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Why do I feel that all small talk is insincere and unnecessary?

By On Thursday, May 26th, 2016 Categories : Question & Answer

Why do I feel that all small talk is insincere and unnecessary?. Do You mam own that kind of query?, If yes then plz check the answer below this line:

Jay Bazzinotti

I used to watch real masters make Windsor chairs. I don't know if you know what a Windsor chair is but it is an early 1600s Welsh design that became popular in America where a loop of hard wood, like oak or hemlock, is curved and fitted into mortises in the seat. A good Winsor (hell, any good chair) has no nails or glue and is held together entirely by friction. A good Windsor chair can last 200 years or more. Any time you have to use nails or glue in chair construction that chair will fail within a few years at most. The question is, how do you force that piece of wood to curve without breaking it?

That is the value of small talk, even small insincere words like "How are you?"  and "How was your day?" No one (or at least very few people) are going to come into the room and start talking about their big stock loss, the death of a loved one, the presence of incipient cancer in their colon or that they want a divorce. They are going to start with small talk, the same slow, careful way they treat and bend that hard wood to make the curve for the chair without breaking it. If you just take the wood and force it into the mortise, it's going to split every single time. But if you work it, steam it, set it in an ammonia bath or work it while it's green, slow and steady, it will bend to your will.

Small talk is the oil that greases the wheels of big talk. It is not un-necessary at all. It makes people comfortable with you. It helps them guage your openness and frame of mind. It sets the stage for bigger, more important topics. It's like the millions of tiny parts in your car that may not seem important but are necessary for the smooth operation of the larger machine.

If you look at small talk as your ticket to enter the world of big talk then you will appreciate its value more, and you will practice it so that you can disarm people and get them to tell you all the things they might not tell you otherwise. It may be insincere, it is true — but it is not un-necessary. It's as vital as the oil in the engine of your car.

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